Friendship: It Heals
DR. CHRISTOPHER S. CULVER Hi, friends! It’s been a while since I shared some words and thoughts with you. There have been so many great guest writers, and I genuinely hope you’ve enjoyed the wisdom they’ve shared.
I’ve mentioned before, but I’m teaching Innovative Leadership at Oklahoma City University this semester to graduate students, and it’s been an absolute blast. We’re using Simon Sinek’s Leaders Eat Last as our course text, and in our most recent discussion, we unpacked the effects of cortisol, dopamine, endorphins, oxytocin, and serotonin. But before I dive into that, let me rewind for a moment.
A friend recently shared a video with me that featured Simon Sinek and Trevor Noah discussing the power of friendship. If you haven’t watched it, I encourage you to do so - check it out here.
In the video, Sinek suggests that our society is increasingly isolated, despite being more connected through technology. He notes how we’re wired as social creatures who long to belong, to matter, and to know each other. Yet, friendship—true, meaningful friendship—seems to be the missing link. Sinek emphasizes that while there’s an abundance of self-help advice on how to improve ourselves in various ways, we rarely talk about how to be better friends or the impact that can have on our lives.
As I reflected on this, it resonated deeply with me, especially when considering how many people today are healing from generational trauma. Sinek encourages us to ask ourselves a powerful question: Do we tell our friends we love them? Not a casual “love ya,” but a heartfelt “I love you.”
I think about how many people may not hear that from friends—or even from family. I think about some of our generation Z/Alpha children who grew up without love and compassion, yielding high ACE scores. I think about how there are young adults who did not receive love or hearing “I love you” that carry with them now as adults. To everyone reading this, I see you — I love you — I am grateful for you.
Recently, I had a conversation with someone who felt betrayed by a friend. As we unpacked the situation, I shared that her frustration likely stemmed from wanting others to treat her the way she would treat them. But that’s not always what happens.
Growing up, the golden rule was to treat others the way you want to be treated. It’s such a simple concept, yet so many people can’t, don’t, or choose not to live by it. But friends, the way we connect with others, how we value and nurture friendships, is powerful. We are wired to belong, to know we matter, and to be in communities that light our souls on fire. We need human connection and kindness, grace, hope, love, joy, and optimism. These are not just feel-good emotions—they’re biologically good for us.
For our young people, we have to create experiences that connect them and make them feel a part of something larger - where they, too, feel seen, heard, valued and respected.
As adults, we have to be even more intentional with our friendships. Strengthen friendships with people who light your soul on fire and fill you up!
5 Steps to Strengthen Your Friendships
Reach out often: Don’t wait for an occasion to connect with your friends. Send a message or give them a call just to check in and see how they’re doing. Simple acts of connection matter.
Ideally this is done in person; however, this can be a text message and/or this can be done on social media.
Be vulnerable: Share your own experiences, fears, and joys with your friends. When you let your guard down, you invite deeper trust and authentic connection.
When you’re sharing and/or your friend is sharing, make sure you are actively engaged and actively listening.
Practice empathy: When conflicts arise or when friends make decisions that hurt, try to understand their perspective. Empathy allows us to heal wounds instead of widening them.
Find an experience that you can relate to what they are navigating. Don’t just simply say “I am sorry,” but truly put yourself in their shoes.
Say “I love you”: Don’t shy away from expressing how much your friends mean to you. Hearing those words can make a profound difference in someone’s life.
Celebrate the small things: Friendships aren’t just about supporting each other through hard times. Celebrate the victories, the growth, and the everyday moments that bring joy to your lives.
It’s essential to recognize the profound impact friendship has on our physical and mental health. Genuine connections with others can significantly reduce levels of cortisol, the stress hormone that, when elevated for long periods, contributes to anxiety, depression, and other health issues. Side note: We are not meant to live with high levels of cortisol. Stress is deadly and dangerous to our bodies.
Friendships boost the release of oxytocin, often referred to as the "love hormone," which fosters feelings of bonding and trust. This hormone not only makes us feel more connected but also lowers stress and anxiety, promoting emotional stability. Friendships also increase serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of happiness and well-being.
When we share positive interactions with friends—whether through laughter, deep conversations, or even a simple hug—our brain chemistry shifts, making us feel more balanced and joyful.
This combination of reduced cortisol and increased oxytocin and serotonin demonstrates the biological need for connection and kindness. It’s not just about feeling good in the moment—these interactions literally improve our overall health, well-being, and longevity. When we nurture these friendships and foster positive relationships, we create a ripple effect of well-being that extends beyond just ourselves.
Ask yourself: In your own life, how will you nurture your friendships and lead with kindness? How will you create moments of joy for yourself and those around you?
Remember to surround yourself with people who light your soul on fire, people who fill your cup, and people who bring you joy. Cut out the negativity and cut out the energy vampires.
Let’s all commit to being better friends with those who fuel our fire and being intentional with leading a life with kindness—whether at home, at work, or in our communities. It’s a small act with a ripple effect that can change the world.
Thank you for being part of this journey with me. Remember, if you can’t find the light, be the light! I am rooting for you and I am grateful for you.
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Friends! I have a new peer-to-peer relationship building workshop! Let’s get it scheduled for you and your team today! Reach out today!
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