The Power of Kindness in Youth Development

DR. CHRISTOPHER S. CULVER

In the early 20th century, a common belief held that all young people possessed inherent potential for greatness. Adults were seen as the cultivators of this potential, tasked with nurturing a “youthful spirit” capable of growth and positive transformation. However, as the century progressed, youth development shifted, eventually moving towards a “deficit model” that focused on identifying and fixing perceived flaws rather than building upon strengths. Today, we are experiencing a resurgence in positive youth development approaches focused on resilience and strengths-based support. This “mindset shift from fixing flaws to finding strengths” underscores the notion that young people are inherently resilient and intelligent and that it is the job of educators, caregivers, and communities to help them realize these strengths through supportive relationships and opportunities (Brendtro et al., 2002). As adults, we have to help individuals see the strengths and value that they add to respective spaces.

The Circle of Courage framework, grounded in Indigenous principles, aligns well with the science of kindness. This model identifies four universal needs essential for positive development: belonging, mastery, independence, and generosity (Brendtro et al., 2002). When these needs are met, children develop resilience and a stronger sense of self. However, the modern landscape often lacks the communal structures that once supported these needs, leading to significant gaps in youth development. By integrating kindness with the Circle of Courage framework, we can rebuild these critical support systems, fostering resilience and healthy social connections among young people. Kindness is not a weakness; kindness is an asset.

The Science of Kindness in Youth Development

The biochemical benefits of kindness, such as the release of oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins, contribute significantly to individual well-being and social bonding (Crockett, 2017). These neurotransmitters enhance feelings of trust and security, which are essential for effective learning and resilience. Additionally, kindness reduces cortisol levels, helping to counteract stress and anxiety, conditions that are increasingly prevalent among today’s youth (Kogan et al., 2013). When kindness is a core part of a youth development framework, it fosters safe, supportive environments where children feel valued and understood. When individuals feel safe, they are less likely to be in fight-or-flight mode.

Research suggests that these neurobiological benefits of kindness are closely related to the principles of the Circle of Courage. Belonging and kindness, for example, go hand-in-hand; when young people feel they belong, they are more likely to engage in positive social behaviors, fostering a culture of support and cooperation. Similarly, mastery and independence are encouraged when young people feel safe to take risks and learn from mistakes. In an environment rooted in kindness and empathy, young people are more willing to challenge themselves and strive for personal growth. People feel seen, heard, valued, respected, and appreciated - like they matter and they belong.

The Circle of Courage: Meeting Universal Growth Needs

The Circle of Courage framework identifies four essential needs for positive youth development—belonging, mastery, independence, and generosity. These needs are not unique to specific cultures or groups; they are universal growth needs. In tribal and kinship cultures, natural social relationships ensured these needs were met, but in today’s more fragmented society, children often lack the support systems that can help them develop these qualities (Brendtro et al., 2002).

1. Belonging: Belonging is foundational to resilience. When children feel connected to a group, they are more likely to engage positively with others and exhibit greater emotional stability. Unfortunately, many youth today experience fractured family systems, unfriendly school environments, and peer rejection, leaving them emotionally and morally adrift. Without a sense of belonging, children may struggle to find purpose or direction, making them more susceptible to negative peer influence.

2. Mastery: Mastery involves developing skills and competencies that give young people confidence in their abilities. In a competitive educational landscape, schools often focus on “winners” and “losers,” overlooking the fact that each child has unique strengths that deserve recognition. This zero-sum approach to achievement prevents many students from realizing their potential, as they are discouraged from trying when they perceive themselves as failures.

3. Independence: Independence is a critical part of healthy development, providing young people with opportunities to make decisions and learn responsibility. In many settings today, youth are deprived of such opportunities, leading to a lack of personal accountability. As Brendtro et al. (2002) argue, “it’s through responsibility that we learn responsibility.” When young people are encouraged to make choices within a supportive framework, they develop the self-discipline and resilience needed to navigate life’s challenges.

4. Generosity: Generosity fosters empathy, encouraging young people to see the value in helping others. Unfortunately, in a world that often equates wealth with worth, children may become overly self-focused, failing to develop natural abilities that contribute to the well-being of others. Teaching generosity helps counteract this trend, reinforcing the importance of community and social responsibility.

Addressing Modern Challenges: From Peer Dependency to Positive Culture

In modern society, peer dependency and negative peer influence have become prevalent, especially among youth who lack supportive adult connections. To address this issue, Brendtro et al. (2002) recommend a two-fold approach: bonding children with caring adults and developing a positive peer culture. Such an environment transforms peer influence from a potentially destructive force to a source of encouragement and growth. By creating spaces where young people experience attachment, achievement, autonomy, and altruism, we can counteract the effects of alienation and competition that pervade today’s youth culture.

This approach aligns with Sinek’s (2017) emphasis on the role of leaders in shaping organizational environments. Leaders, whether in schools, homes, or communities, have the responsibility to create cultures that prioritize relationships, trust, and mutual support. As Sinek points out, “The goal of the leader is not to give orders; leaders are to provide direction and intent and allow others to figure out what to do and how to get there” (p. 271). When leaders model kindness, honesty, and empathy, they foster environments where young people can thrive, strengthening their resilience and capacity for positive social interaction. It takes all of us walking lives following the simple rule: “treat others the way you want to be treated.”

Practical Strategies for Incorporating Kindness and the Circle of Courage

1. Create a Safe Environment for Self-Expression
   A safe environment where students feel free to express themselves is essential for developing belonging. Teachers and mentors can build these spaces by encouraging open communication, validating students’ feelings, and promoting empathy.

2. Implement a Strengths-Based Approach
   Rather than focusing on weaknesses, educators should identify and build upon each student’s strengths. This “mindset shift from fixing flaws to finding strengths” promotes resilience by showing young people that they are capable and valued contributors to their communities (Brendtro et al., 2002).

3. Foster Responsibility Through Choice
   Allowing young people to make choices and experience the consequences of their decisions promotes independence. By empowering them to take responsibility, we help them develop accountability, an essential trait for resilience and personal growth.

4. Encourage Community Service and Generosity
   Activities that promote generosity, such as community service, encourage young people to consider the needs of others, building empathy and social responsibility. When students actively contribute to their communities, they experience the benefits of altruism, reinforcing their sense of belonging and purpose.

5. Model Kindness in Leadership
   Leaders in education and youth development should model kindness, vulnerability, and open communication. As Sinek (2017) explains, leaders who are honest about their own mistakes encourage a culture of openness and learning, helping young people understand that it is okay to fail and grow.

6. Develop Positive Peer Cultures
   Create peer groups that encourage collaboration rather than competition. Positive peer culture can transform the often-negative influence of peer dependency into a supportive network that fosters resilience and mutual respect.

7. Use Reflection to Build Mastery and Empathy
   Incorporating reflective practices, such as journaling or group discussions, helps students develop self-awareness and empathy. Reflecting on their experiences allows young people to learn from their mistakes, recognize their growth, and appreciate the journey toward mastery.

8. Celebrate Small Successes to Build Confidence
   Acknowledging even small achievements reinforces students’ sense of mastery and self-worth. This practice not only boosts confidence but also promotes a growth mindset, as students see that their efforts lead to tangible results.

The Circle of Courage and the science of kindness offer powerful frameworks for developing resilience and fostering positive relationships among young people. In a world that often values competition and self-interest, these principles remind us of the importance of community, empathy, and mutual support. By creating environments where young people feel safe, valued, and empowered, we equip them with the tools they need to face life’s challenges with confidence and compassion.

As leaders, educators, and caregivers, it is our responsibility to model these values, ensuring that kindness and connection remain at the heart of our interactions. Through intentional actions and consistent support, we can help the next generation build resilient, inclusive communities where every individual has the opportunity to thrive. If we can’t find the light, be the light!

---

Interested in being a future guest blogger? Reach out today! (Click here) We’d love to have you as part of “The Kind Voice!”

Are you receiving our weekly e-newsletter full of motivation, encouragement, and positivity? Subscribe today!

Want Secret Spirit Day Ideas and ways to transform your culture? Check out the new resource: Culture Spark!

Looking for Gen Z/Gen Alpha workshops? Keynote speaker? Read the testimonials from others’ experiences. Watch short clips from a most recent keynote! Would love to help you and your team; reach out today!

References

Brendtro, L. K., Brokenleg, M., & Van Bockern, S. (2002). Reclaiming youth at risk: Our hope for the future. Solution Tree Press.

Crockett, M. J. (2017). Moral outrage in the digital age. Nature Human Behaviour, 1(11), 769–771. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41562-017-0213-3

Kogan, A., Gruber, J., Shallcross, A. J., Ford, B. Q., & Mauss, I. B. (2013). Too much of a good thing? Cardiac vagal tone’s nonlinear relationship with positive emotions and social connectedness. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 105(5), 743–755. https://doi.org/10.1037/a003