When You Think Something Kind About Someone Else, Tell Them
DR. STEVE SANOCKI, DIRECTOR OF STUDENT SUCCESSResearchers estimate that each of us has about 6,000 thoughts per day. From the mundane to intense problem solving, to the inevitable angst of what to have for dinner, we engage in constant internal dialogue. Of those 6,000 thoughts, most are fleeting and rather unimportant. But kindness? Kindness seems to stick with us in such lasting ways.
About a year and a half ago, I was going through some very tough times, which were borne from everything that was the antithesis of kindness. In my search for a bit of happiness and normalcy, I began to really notice those times, and those people, who went out of their way to share something kind about me. These instances not only made me feel good about myself, but they profoundly changed the way I approached others at work, at home, and even out in public. To be certain, it helped me reframe – and to regain control of what I felt I had lost in my struggles.
At the risk of sounding self-serving, I’ll share a compliment that has stuck with me from one of these kind moments:
“You are an amazing educator. You always have students’ best interests in mind when you make a decision. Never forget that.”
I share this with you not to boast, but rather as a really great example of what someone else did for me. This person not only shared a kind word, but they modeled how I could be doing this type of kindness for others, too. What was even more powerful is that I heard a variation of this sentiment from many of my fellow educators, who also went out of their way to call me, send an e-mail, fire off a text, or stop by the house. These moments of kindness were not lost on me – in the moment and, now, for the long haul.
I have always approached life, work, and other people with a spirit of kindness – at least I know I’ve tried – and I also know I have fallen short more times that I would like to admit. But I have always quietly recognized, and cherished, when someone went out of their way to tell me something positive that they noticed about me. And as of a year and a half ago, I began to be intentional about noticing exactly how these special people very sincerely, and very specifically, shared with me what was good about me or my work.
So, here’s the best advice I can very sincerely, and very specifically, give to you: When you think something kind about someone else, tell them.
I’m here to tell you it is simply amazing to do. I suppose it may take some courage – strangely, right? But, it’s so awesome to share the specifics of what you noticed that was good and kind about someone else. It truly catches others off guard, because for whatever reason it’s not something people tend to do for one another. Yet, in those 6,000 thoughts per day, we all notice the good in others. We just don’t say it.
Let’s change that.
It does take some practice – it really does. My first attempts were simply what I’ve probably always naturally said: Thank you. Good job. Great job. I appreciate it. Thanks. Nice work. Awesome. Cool. Wow.
Given my newfound advice to myself, my responses all seemed really tired, rather empty, and ineffectual. Not that every interaction needed to be deep and profound, but I found myself wanting to say more at times, and just didn’t. So, I told myself to do what a writing instructor taught me a long time ago: use specifics, provide examples, and don’t make people wonder what you mean.
And then it just took off. Giving specifically kind feedback has become a part of what I do each day. The more I do it, the more it is truly natural to tap into some of my 6,000 thoughts for that day, and pick out some kind ones. Here’s a paraphrase of a recent piece of kindness I shared with someone else:
“Thank you for agreeing to give that presentation.Your delivery is always so natural and spot-on. I could really tell you were enjoying sharing the information. You have a way of connecting with others – they hang on your every word and are really engaged with you. I admire you for how you present information to others. Nice job!”
So now, these 58 words – and 7 thoughts – are someone else’s to cherish, enjoy, and positively build upon. Had I not shared them, they would be lost forever. Or, I could have simply shared a passive and empty, “Good job.”
Our 6,000 thoughts in a day can really be insignificant – if we let them. But when you share the kindness you see in others, you are making a positive difference, the lengths of which you will never truly know.
So here’s your challenge – and your opportunity: When you think something kind about someone else, tell them.
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DR. STEVE SANOCKI
Dr. Steve Sanocki is an experienced educator who has served students and the community for over 28 years at all levels of education. He is dedicated to the education profession because it gives opportunities for others to learn, grow, thrive, and contribute to the greater good of society.
Dr. Sanocki holds a Ph.D. in Educational Leadership, a Master’s degree in the Art of Teaching, and a Bachelor’s degree in Political Science and Reading. Currently, he serves as the Director of Student Success at Muskegon Community College, continuing to build upon his career experiences as a School Improvement Specialist, Part-time Professor, Curriculum Director, Principal, Assistant Principal, Teacher, and Varsity Baseball coach.
Dr. Sanocki resides in Muskegon, Michigan with his wife Jen, daughters Allison and Kiley, son Jack, and a chocolate lab appropriately named Cosmo.