Small Slights, Lasting Ripples: How Emotional Breaches Shape Trust
DR. JO LEIN, LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT COACHI took a deep breath, steadying myself before knocking on Principal Cunner’s door. My heart raced with a mix of nerves and hope—hope that she might offer guidance on the classroom management issue that had been keeping me up at night.
Principal Cunner was unhappy with my late performance, especially after the eighth-grade fight in the hallway outside my door a week ago. In the past, I always viewed her as approachable and supportive, so I hoped that she could spare a few minutes to listen to my concerns.
“Hi, Principal Cunner, do you have a minute?"
Principal Cunner glanced up, her expression tired, and said, ‘Sure, Jo. Come on in.’ She had never called me Jo before—always Ms. Mabee. That small slip made my stomach drop; it felt like a subtle confirmation of my fears.
“Never mind. I will come back later,” I said, somewhat annoyed and sadder. She barely even acknowledged me leaving the room. As I walked away, a wave of sadness and frustration washed over me. My confidence, already shaky, crumbled. I began to question this particular interaction and whether my concerns as a teacher were valued.
In the September 2024 article "Is this something that requires my immediate attention?" I outline ways to respond appropriately when someone asks for your attention. For you, gentle reader, I will take this story in a slightly different direction: emotional breaches.
What are Emotional Breaches?
Emotional breaches refer to situations where there is a violation or breakdown of the expected emotional norms or "psychological contract" between leaders and employees, the unspoken expectations including support, fairness, and respect. When these expectations aren't met—through poor communication, lack of recognition, or unfair treatment—employees often feel that the contract has been broken.
In my case with Principal Cunner, I expected guidance and support, but her dismissive response violated that implicit agreement. Leaders can demonstrate emotional breaches in several ways:
Lack of emotional control: Losing their temper, lashing out at employees, or having emotional outbursts.
Emotional suppression: Completely suppressing emotions and appearing cold or uncaring.
Emotional inconsistency: Displaying emotions that don't match the situation or their words
Inappropriate emotional displays: Expressing emotions like anger or frustration in ways that make employees uncomfortable.
Lack of empathy: Failing to acknowledge or validate employees' emotions and concerns.
Impact of Emotional Breaches
To an outside observer, my emotional reaction to my dismissal might appear "overly emotional," a response often attributed to certain subgroups based on stereotypes. However, emotional breaches can profoundly impact both organizational culture and individual wellbeing. When leaders experience and display emotional breaches, it can lead to significant negative consequences, affecting morale and overall effectiveness, including:
Decreased trust and psychological safety among employees
Increased stress and anxiety in the workplace
Reduced employee engagement and productivity
Damage to the leader's credibility and influence
Escalation of conflicts and dissent within the organization
How Emotional Breaches Escalate
Looking back now, as a leader myself, I see that Principal Cunner likely didn’t intend to cause harm. But the lack of support in that moment—and many others—had a compounding effect. Over time, the small moments of feeling dismissed or undervalued built up. I wasn’t alone in this experience either. Eventually, other teachers, dealing with similar interactions, felt the need to go to the district office, formally dissenting about the toxic work environment.
This is how emotional breaches escalate. They often start with seemingly minor issues—like lack of support or poor communication. When teachers feel unrecognized for their hard work, or when communication is unclear or missing altogether, it creates frustration. Being out of the loop or not knowing what's expected breeds uncertainty, making teachers feel undervalued or disconnected. These feelings accumulate, gradually undermining confidence and trust.
Over time, those small frustrations evolve into deeper problems. Teachers who feel unsupported may begin to perceive favoritism or bias when they see others recognized or rewarded for similar efforts. Communication breakdowns lead to misunderstandings, which can result in micromanagement or a sense of mistrust. When teachers feel like their autonomy is being restricted, it creates an unhealthy power dynamic that can erode their confidence and sense of agency in the classroom. I asked #teacherthreads what they would put on their school leader “do NOT do” list and some of the stories were horrifying.
If these issues aren’t addressed, they spiral into even more serious concerns. What begins as small lapses in support or communication can escalate into ethical breaches—like public criticism, breaches of confidentiality, or outright favoritism. By this point, the culture of the school itself starts to deteriorate, leading to a toxic work environment where no one feels safe or valued. What started as minor missteps becomes a significant threat to the entire school's morale and climate.
Common Examples in Leadership
Leaders must catch the early signs of emotional breaches—small moments of support, listening, and transparency matter. Left unchecked, they snowball into much larger issues that can deeply affect the well-being of both teachers and the broader school environment.
Preventing Emotional Breaches
In Who Do You Need Me to Be? I delve into the elements of empathy-driven coaching. The first essential mindset is every interaction is a chance to coach. This perspective helps leaders stay engaged and prioritize the person in front of them, making them more effective in their role.
Here’s a crucial insight: a single instance of emotional damage can create a barrier, making it challenging for others to learn from you. If employees can’t learn from you, you are unable to effectively build their capacity to directly impact students.
To steer clear of such emotional breaches, leaders can focus on:
Cultivating emotional intelligence and self-awareness
Practicing emotional regulation techniques
Demonstrating genuine empathy and concern for others
Being consistent in their emotional expressions
Preparing for and navigating emotionally charged situations
Taking time to process their emotions before responding.
By embracing these practices, leaders not only prevent emotional harm but also foster a more supportive and productive environment.
Conclusion: Recognizing and Repairing
Now, as a leader myself, I strive to remember how small interactions, like the one with Principal Cunner, can leave lasting impressions. These moments taught me that being present and emotionally available for my team is not just an option—it’s a responsibility.
But we are human! Emotions are a natural part of who we are, and managing them isn't always easy. However, effective leaders don't shy away from their mistakes. When an emotional breach occurs, it's crucial to take responsibility and work toward repairing the relationship. This process requires sincerity, empathy, and genuine effort (see further readings).
Emotional breaches are inevitable, but the most important step is recognizing when they happen. Leaders who can acknowledge the harm they've caused, make amends, and learn from the experience grow not only as individuals but as leaders. Leadership isn’t about perfection; it’s about being present, empathetic, and open to change. By owning our mistakes and committing to continuous growth, we not only mend relationships but also foster stronger, more resilient communities.
Questions for Reflection:
Have you unknowingly caused emotional breaches?
What small steps can they take today to build a more supportive environment?
Further Reading Suggestions:
The Four Ways Leaders Breach Team Trust (D’Silva, 2024)
How to Lead Through Trust Breaches, Brakes, and Betrayals (Robinson Lychak, 2024)
Source:@tulsaschoolsleadership
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Sources:
Anderson, B. (2023b, October 6). Great leaders have emotional control. SIGMA Assessment Systems. https://www.sigmaassessmentsystems.com/emotional-control/
Robinson Lychak, J. (2024, January 28). How to lead through trust breaches, brakes & betrayals. LinkedIn. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-lead-through-trust-breaches-brakes-betrayals-ma-pcc-
Wilkinson, D. (2019, October 20). When employees get p*$ed off. what the manager does next makes a difference... The Oxford Review - OR Briefings. https://oxford-review.com/when-employees-get-p-ed-off-what-the-manager-does-next-makes-a-difference/
DR. JO LEIN
Dr. Jo Lein is a Leadership Development Coach at Tulsa Public Schools with a deep expertise in coaching, organizational leadership, and change management. She has published over 75 articles on coaching at ASCD, Edutopia, Learning Forward, NASSP, and EduCoach by Dr. Jo Lein substack. She also serves as an adjunct professor at Johns Hopkins University. Dr. Lein is the founder of the Teaching and Leading Initiative of Oklahoma and previously served as co-chair for the Commission at the Office of Educational Quality and Accountability for the state of Oklahoma. Her work focuses on nurturing effective leadership and supporting positive change within educational settings. She has a book in progress Who Do You Need to Be? which will be released in parts on the substack.