Redefining Boundaries with Kindness
KATIE KINDER, TEACHER RETENTION SPECIALIST & EDUCATIONAL CONSULTANT Tennessee Williams once said, “All cruel people describe themselves as paragons of frankness.” This truth is all too familiar. We’ve heard it; we’ve seen it. The world is full of people proudly proclaiming, “I just tell it like it is; that’s just who I am. Sorry if you’re offended. I have boundaries.” But I’m here to push back on that mindset. Just because you have boundaries doesn’t mean you need to abandon compassion. A dog-eat-dog world is not inevitable. We can coexist, disagree, and even clash while remaining respectful. And we must teach our children that it is possible to handle conflict with grace and empathy.
As a teacher working with kids ages 11 to 15, I’ve seen the impact of recent challenges like the pandemic, tech addiction, and social isolation on our young people. Many come into the classroom without the skills to engage in healthy conversations or constructive discourse. They’re hungry for connection but lack the tools to communicate effectively. And while we, as educators, are bound by various constraints, this is one area where we can make a difference. Teaching humanity isn’t a one-time lesson or a checkbox on a curriculum standard. It’s a daily commitment, one that we have to reinforce over and over again if we want it to stick.
There’s a lot in education that we can’t change. We have policymakers dictating our daily work who have never stood in front of a classroom. Community members, too, often believe they have a say in what we teach and how we teach it, as if merely having been a student makes them an authority on the profession. Imagine if the same applied to other fields—if every person who had undergone knee surgery felt equipped to open an orthopedic clinic and started doling out ACLS. It’s laughable, yet this misplaced sense of expertise is an ongoing reality for teachers. Despite these external pressures, we have control over our classrooms. In my classroom, kindness is not optional. It’s the foundation on which everything else is built.
Creating a space where students feel valued and celebrated is essential for true learning to take place. When we nurture kindness, humanity, and integrity, we pave the way for belonging. When students feel a sense of belonging, they are better equipped to tackle the challenges they face, both academically and personally. For some of our students, the classroom might be the only place where they feel safe and seen. We have the power to create that haven for them, and it’s a responsibility I take seriously.
In my English class, we practice kindness like a skill. We engage in Socratic Seminars that reflect my students’ identities and experiences, learning how to engage in meaningful and respectful discourse. We embrace vulnerability as a strength and work together, using each other’s strengths to build a collaborative community.
At the beginning of the school year, I always teach a lesson that I call “Spread the Word to End the Word.” The class starts with instrumental music as students settle in. On the board, I’ve written a prompt: “Write about someone you know who lives with a disability.” I begin by sharing stories of people close to me—my daughter, who has a profound visual impairment, and my best friend’s son, who has Down Syndrome. I tell them how hearing the R-word causes my friend deep pain and how important it is to choose language thoughtfully. Then, I show them a powerful video from ESPN titled “One Love,” which tells the story of NFL star Joe Haden and his brother, Jacob, who lives with a cognitive disability. Joe is fiercely protective of Jacob and doesn’t hesitate to challenge anyone who uses the R-word, saying, “Buy a dictionary!” This emotional story often prompts my students to share their own experiences and to open up about people they know who live with disabilities.
This is where our journey toward belonging begins. We start to forge connections, to learn empathy, and to understand the importance of treating each other with respect. We may not have the power to change every aspect of the education system, but we can create change within our classrooms. We can choose kindness over frustration, compassion over anger, and humanity over cruelty.
So the next time someone says, “That’s just who I am; I just tell it like it is!” I challenge you to push back. Let’s show our kids that kindness reigns supreme and that they can hold firm to their values without sacrificing compassion for others. Together, we can create a world where kindness is not just a choice, but a way of life.
KATIE KINDER
Katie Kinder, author of Untold Teaching Truths and Hallway Leadership, is a highly sought after professional learning facilitator and speaker; she has been an educator since 2006. She brings her message of hope, fun, and real strategies to educators all over the nation. She believes that life is fun, and learning should most definitely be fun. Education Award Winner, Speaker, Author, Professional Development Leader, a Mom, a Wife, a Fierce Advocate for Education, Katie has learned a trick or two in the classroom, so come on in, and have some fun, and hook your students from day one!
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