The Power of The Educator’s Kind Voice
AMY JORDAN | SECONDARY INSTRUCTIONAL COACH & EDUCATIONAL CONSULTANTThe Power of the Educator’s Kind Voice
“Shut up!”
“Listen, boy.”
“Maybe you should be in special class.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
We are only a few days into the new school year and already several students have reported to me these things being said to them from educators in our building. Imagine someone speaking to you like this. Imagine someone speaking to your child or family member like this.
Imagine, though, if we never did this.
Now, a little context. I am new to the building, and I have been an assistant, principal, principal, and executive director in various public schools. This is a 9th-12th grade high school with 90% of students eligible for free lunches and 90% are students of color.
I am the new instructional coach at this campus - a job I have done before and am so excited to have again. But more than ever, I can see we need improvement in more than just teaching practices.
We must work on our kind voice.
Our kind voice as teachers.
Our kind voice as administrators.
Our kind voice as humans.
None of these teachers were yelling. None of them were purposefully being hateful. None of them were planning to come to school, say something unkind, and send a student out of class once they became upset or disrespectful during the student-teacher exchange. Nonetheless, their words cut deeply and damaged the trust that is vital for student success.
So, how do we find and enhance our kind voice?
After almost three decades in this noble profession of teaching students, coaching teachers, and leading buildings, I believe it comes down to four things: noticing, knowing, practicing, and reflecting.
NOTICING
First, I think teachers should notice the types of things that they say both to students and about students. I believe often we teachers do not even realize how our words affect students. We may not know what we say is unkind, or we may not even think what we are saying is unkind because “that’s the way I would speak to my own children.”
One way to notice what types of things we are saying to students is to have a colleague, like an instructional coach or a peer, come in, observe our class, and take notes. Another way to notice is to ask administrators if they have received any feedback from students. Another method of noticing is to ask the students directly. Obviously our language may change when being observed by someone else. Administrators may have had no interactions with students from your classroom. But, without a doubt, students will tell the truth if asked in a way that protects their anonymity. Trust me; each quotation that started this post was told to me by students who were sent out of class once the interaction between the student and teacher escalated.
(Side note - I have been a building-level administrator long enough to know that students do not always tell the truth. SHOCK! But, all too often, these types of reports have at least a nugget of truth.)
We have to notice our language, our tone of voice, and our patterns of behavior that may have been our practice for years or even decades. I know that my coaching style twenty-eight years ago is not the same as what it is now! On the other hand, we may be educators with very few or no years of experience, and we may or may not have come from a teacher education program that taught us about teaching methods that involve building rapport and trust.
Regardless of our years of experience or our training, we have to notice what we say and notice what students need.
KNOWING
How do we know what we say is unkind? I think there are plenty of times that we do not know that what we say is something that can cut deeply for a student. I will give you an example. Twenty years ago was my first year to be an assistant principal. When dealing with a student who had several behavior issues, I said, “Just don’t act like a punk!“ I had absolutely no idea what this meant to this student due his experiences. It was a very painful learning experience for me because in my mind, I was talking about Fonzie from Happy Days! When his guardian came to see me later that afternoon, I learned very quickly what it actually meant to them. We all know the quote from Maya Angelo, “When we know better, we do better.” And very quickly, I did.
The concept of knowing also means we accept that we may have to change and we have to be willing to do so. I think for many adults this is one of the biggest challenges we face. We are products of our own environments whether that is our upbringing, our own school experiences as students, or our years in the classroom. However, this is not about “tenderhearted children” or tiptoeing around students. It is about understanding trauma and opening up to trauma-informed teaching practices, knowing that students have lived through many things we cannot fathom, and coming to the conclusion of how we can best address their needs and get them to the learning.
PRACTICING
The next step once we notice what we are doing and know what to do differently, is practicing the different language that we should use. We should never belittle students, make fun of them, ask them questions like do they need special services or do they speak English? We should simply teach them with kind words and open hearts and the understanding that they are doing the best they can in their lives while they are sitting in classroom with you to learn your subject.
Ah, but how to practice? If you have gotten this far in this post, this could be a crucial turning point for you. You have to be willing to take this chance of practicing what would be better conversational moves with students. They do not need another adult raising their voice at them; they do not need a teacher who uses unkind words or a sarcastic tone of voice. They need the kindness that, possibly, they find nowhere else in the world.
I would start with an “at bat.” I have taken this term from the Uncommon Schools movement that produced texts such as Teach Like a Champion and Get Better Faster. It is basically a role-play situation. An example that I have recently utilized with a teacher is for me to role-play the student who does not want to give up the cell phone. Ever had to deal with that? Of course!
I first coached the teacher on what they can say and do as well as what they should avoid saying and doing. We had about a fifteen minute conversation about this before we tried the at-bat. Then we practiced it several times working on language and tone and physical actions. Trust me, this process was not easy. And practicing at-bats takes time, courage, patience, and trust. The teacher, however, was open to trying something different because the cell phones were becoming a power struggle in his classroom. It was becoming more difficult for him to even address the his content of because of these interactions.
These types of practice sessions, while a challenge, are so valuable for both the teacher and all of their students. It takes time, patience, and practice – just like our students need!
REFLECTING
Finally, as educational professionals, we should always be reflecting on our practice. This is no different in finding our kind voice as we speak with students. When given the opportunity to practice using a kinder set of words or tone or both, we should determine several things:
Did it work?
Why did it work or not work?
What could I have done differently to enhance the communication with the student?
The most effective teachers I have ever collaborated with when it comes to student success are those who are reflective about their practice. The book Disrupting Poverty coins the term “warm demander.” What a perfect way to consider how to deal with students. You can hold a high standard, expect excellence, and still use a kind voice. The students do not need a tyrant; they do not need an unkind drill sergeant. On the other hand, they do not need someone to water down the curriculum or lower the bar of expectations for them. They need their teacher to be warm AND demanding. They need to be held accountable AND loved. They need what all of us need: someone who expects great things while providing the support we need to get there.
The vast majority of this post has been about students and teachers. Of course, though, the teachers in the building need to be treated with the same type of respect and kindness. A principal or any administrator also cannot lower their expectations with their staff; rather they should treat each interaction with kindness and thoughtfulness.
In my career, I have had to move for teachers to be terminated; I have had several be “non-renewed” so they do not return the following year. I have had to inform teachers that they are not being successful in a field that they have devoted some, if not all, of their adult lives to. Yet, teach time, those conversations have been done with kindness - allowing the teacher to maintain dignity during and after those interactions. It is not easy, but I have noticed what I need to say, practiced what I need to say beforehand, and reflected on what it was I did say.
So, this concept of the kind voice is also for the administrators. We can do this too. In fact, we must. We are the instructional leaders of our buildings, and we must model for our teachers what we expect in the interactions we have with students.
The challenge, then, is to notice, know, practice, and reflect upon our kind voice as teachers, administrators, or any type of educator.
“Shut up!” —— “Thank you for listening. This is very important for you to know.”
“Listen, boy.” —— “Student X, I need all students to hear this part.”
“Maybe you should be in special class.” —— “What is something I can do to help you understand this part?”
“What’s wrong with you?” —— “I know the first two weeks of school is TOUGH for students. You’re probably not getting enough sleep and you definitely would prefer to be on your phone. I’m a little off schedule too after my summer break. Let’s work together to make this year successful.”
The power of positivity is real; it is contagious. Kindness is the salve that can soothe wounds that students have suffered in previous school years, with their home situations, or just in the experience of being a student in 2024 who is nervous, sleep-deprived, and unsure of who we are and what we are all about as their teacher. Kindness can go so very far in helping students know and trust you, and that, ultimately, leads to their success in learning and in life.
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Amy Jordan
In her 28 years in public education Amy Jordan has been an English teacher, a literacy coach, a literacy specialist, an assistant, principal, a principal, and an executive director. She received her bachelor’s degree in English from Hendrix College and her master’s degree from the University of Central Arkansas in school leadership and administration. Her leadership style and passion for student success is the cornerstone of her belief that strong public schools save democracies.
References
Bambrick-Santoyo, Paul. Get Better Faster: A 90-Day Plan for Developing New Teachers. San Francisco, Ca, Jossey-Bass, A Wiley Brand, 2016.
Budge, Kathleen M, and William Parrett. Disrupting Poverty : Five Powerful Classroom Practices. Alexandria, Va, Ascd, 2018.
Lemov, Doug. Teach like a Champion 2.0: 62 Techniques That Put Students on the Path to College. 2nd ed., San Francisco, Jossey-Bass, 2015.