AMANDA YOUNTS, CONSULTANT, WRITER, SPEAKER, TRAINER

We’ve all heard the phrase, “There’s no I in team,” so much so that I would probably stop reading an article if it led with that quote. Posters declaring the notion adorn district training rooms, principal’s offices, and locker rooms across America to the point of ad nauseam. It’s appalling to high-performing leaders because you know regardless of the culture you create, you assume all responsibility. This sense of individual responsibility is often overlooked or downplayed in discussions about leadership. We rarely see posts or articles emphasizing the importance of the "I" in leadership or using quotes like Michael Jordan's famous line: "There is an I in win." But the truth is, to lead a winning team, you must prioritize yourself as an individual leader. If you are brave enough to assume a public education leadership position, you are the I. Your school or department may be a cohesive team, but for that to consistently occur, it rests with you: the leader, the I for the team, in every phase of the game.

The school leader's multifaceted role demands not just expertise, but also the ability to foster collaboration. You serve as a coach, cheerleader, counselor, and encourager to staff and students, all while being the expert. Being a transformational leader means sharing your knowledge and empowering others to make decisions and take ownership of their work. However, with this responsibility also comes the weight of every decision made. Leaders must understand curriculum standards and effective instructional strategies that can lead to positive student outcomes. But it's equally important to prioritize self-care and self-compassion to sustain yourself in this demanding role. Just as you extend kindness and support to those around you, you must first be kind and compassionate towards yourself. Taking care of your well-being is not just a luxury, but a necessity that allows you to serve better and inspire others.

This article contradicts every seminar or text written on servant leadership and challenges the glorification of being busy by setting yourself on fire to maintain the well-being of others. We are kind-hearted professionals who serve and help others, putting everyone else's needs above our own, often at the expense of our health and wellness. As a third-generation educator, this notion is applaudable for everyone except our loved ones and ourselves. As a school leader, you undoubtedly face countless challenges and responsibilities daily. There wasn’t a day out of the nine years I served as a building administrator that I didn’t think of an evacuation route to ensure the safety of 900 middle schoolers if a fire ensued or an active shooter came onto campus during an afternoon assembly. The leadership role is multifaceted and demanding. Amidst all the logistical tasks, one of the most essential roles of a school leader is ensuring the safety and well-being of their staff and students. This means making difficult decisions during times of crisis, staying late to handle emergencies, and constantly being vigilant for potential threats. I’m not sure we talk about the toll this takes on educators; sure, we seem to have progressed beyond jeans days and donuts in the lounge to offer employee assistance counseling and staff wellness rooms, but those gestures still miss the mark. We assume the burden of these tasks because that’s what good leaders do. That’s what kind leaders do, but do you cultivate environments that consistently promote healthy lifestyles and wellness, not just in a crisis? True well-being is where the mind, body, and spirit work synergistically.

The pressure to maintain peace and happiness within your staff often comes at our expense. Maintaining emotional regulation and leading with compassion requires self-compassion and grace to self. No one else is going to do it for you. The job does not stop being challenging, frustrating, and chaotic. There will always be a crisis, and you will only get some of the necessary work done. Humans are involved, and often the grown humans create bigger messes than the little ones. Awareness and recognition are key. You can’t consistently increase test scores, assess teacher effectiveness, and implement innovative programs without knowing yourself and crafting your leadership identity. You must know who you are, how you operate, and what you require to show up daily. Modeling self-compassion is not just a strategy but a powerful tool for preventing burnout and maintaining emotional regulation. Positive Psychology recommends the following self-compassion techniques to avoid burnout: mindfulness, positive affirmations, setting boundaries, self-care rituals, and gratitude.

Self-compassion is not just a personal practice; it’s a key component of effective leadership. By modeling and practicing intentional acts such as meditation and journaling, reframing critical thoughts to promote more gentle self-talk, building reflection and awareness, and encouraging physical gestures of kindness to self through breathwork, you can cultivate a compassionate voice that not only benefits you but also positively influences your team and your school's culture.

You cannot be a kind leader without being a healthy leader. Winning leaders must be well-leaders. The vast array of research on wellness consistently demonstrates the following eight components comprise wellness: physical, occupational, financial, social, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and environmental. All eight dimensions are needed to maintain a balanced wellness wheel that optimizes health. Too much or too little in any one component can throw off the equilibrium and negatively affect our overall well-being. Leading with kindness means understanding wellness isn’t an item to be checked off of a to-do list; it’s who you are, the core of your being, integrated into daily practices and living in alignment with those components. Being a leader means creating a culture of health for yourself and modeling it for those around you. However, in public education, there is often a false illusion of self-care. While it’s generous to provide donuts, giving your staff the time and opportunities to get to know their unique wellness needs is kind. It’s kind to create a safe space where it is a priority to equip staff with the tools and resources to nurture their mental health without shame, blame, or guilt. Consistent routines embedded into daily practices in supportive environments and celebrating progress over perfection are key to sustaining long-term wellness. The ability to adapt and grow new activities and the freedom to release practices that no longer serve you are crucial.

Leading from a COACH approach requires the following traits: curiosity, openness, appreciation, compassion, and honesty. An authentic leader must be eager to learn about others while remaining nonjudgemental, loving, and kind. Establishing rapport, building genuine connections, and focusing on staff strengths while empowering others to grow results in transformative outcomes. This state of being leads to an environment where wellness and self-care can bloom, and staff can thrive. You don’t arrive at this space with mandates and strategic plans; it requires open-ended questions, listening to understand needs, building trust, and cultivating a mindset that embraces slowing down over glorifying busy.

According to professor and physician Dr. Beth Frates, a pioneer in lifestyle medicine from Harvard Medical School, the following six pillars comprise a healthy lifestyle pyramid: sleep, physical exercise, nutrition, stress management, avoidance of risky substances, and social connection. The pillars form the foundation of holistic health and well-being and provide a comprehensive approach to preventing, managing, and reversing some chronic diseases. Integrating all six pillars into our daily lives can improve physical and mental health and increase life expectancy. While a wellness wheel requires balance, the lifestyle pyramid requires identifying the foundational aspect necessary to maintain stability. Establishing a shared understanding of the lifestyle pyramid with staff increases the likelihood of keeping boundaries around these areas. Sleep is the first pillar of a healthy lifestyle, and obtaining 7-9 hours of restorative rest is recommended. Adequate rest is crucial for maintaining physical, mental, and emotional well-being. When we don't get enough sleep, we may experience difficulties with concentration, memory, and decision-making. Lack of sleep can also weaken our immune system and increase our risk for chronic diseases. The second pillar is nutrition. A heart-healthy diet primarily comprised of plants and whole foods such as fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts, seeds, and legumes can provide essential nutrients. Physical activity is the third pillar. Regular exercise helps us maintain a healthy weight, increase energy levels, and improve our mood. Strength training and 150 minutes of moderate activity are recommended. The fourth pillar is stress management. Chronic stress can lead to a variety of health problems, both physical and mental. Finding healthy ways to cope with stress is essential, such as practicing relaxation techniques or engaging in activities that bring us joy. Studies show problem-solving abilities increase with mindfulness-based stress reduction techniques such as meditation, breathing, and yoga. Lastly, social connection plays a crucial role in our overall wellness. Strong relationships and a sense of belonging can lead to improved mental health, lower levels of stress, and even increased longevity. Making time for meaningful interactions with friends and loved ones is essential for our well-being.

As leaders, it is essential to acknowledge that each individual has different needs regarding self-care. While implementing activities such as a walking club or meditation room can benefit some, it may only cater to some of the staff's needs. It is crucial to provide opportunities for individuals to explore and discover what works best for them rather than simply prescribing one solution. Self-care isn’t a spa day; consistent acts result in deeply ingrained habits that garner improved outcomes. Acts of self-care should be inexpensive, convenient, readily accessible, and available to all, not contingent on financial resources or as a reward for doing something. I once worked in a district where a cabinet leader was known for saying, “We give all staff mental health days. It’s called Friday, Saturday, a week at Thanksgiving, and two weeks at Christmas.” There was little kindness or empathy in statements that clearly showed a lack of understanding of mental health. It’s not something you tend to do once a week in a counseling session or over Spring Break. It’s small, daily, intentional acts that result in ongoing change. Changing the narrative starts with top leaders knowing themselves and formulating a clear leadership identity based on aligning personal and organizational values. This level of daring leadership can only exist with self-compassion. It starts with bold leaders willing to see things differently and take a different stance on wellness and self-care. Practicing self-care that lends to balance and incorporating the six pillars into our daily routines can create a positive ripple effect on those around us, especially staff and students.

As a young, aspiring assistant principal, I still vividly remember Geoffrey Canada’s keynote at the annual Texas Administrators Leadership Conference, “If you want educators to behave as professionals, then you have to pay them and treat them like professionals.” Some 16 years later, we are still waiting on Superman. Treating staff like professionals means allowing them time to care for themselves. It will take brave leaders willing to change the face of public education structurally. Advocating for self and employee wellness is a bold start. The job is never going to be easy. Work will always be there, and a crisis will always arise regardless of the amount of planning or preparation you do. You have to create the system, maintain boundaries, and prioritize wellness. You are the I. Being kind to yourself by consistently integrating all six pillars of the healthy lifestyle pyramid and modeling a balanced wellness wheel empowers your staff to follow suit. It’s a contagion, and a balanced staff provides an optimal learning environment for students to thrive.

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The Crucial Role of Self-Kindness in Leadership and Its Impact on Others

AMANDA YOUNTS

Creating a Kind School

Lessons Beyond Language: Celebrating Unity and Resilience