The Power of Connection in Educational Leadership
DANIEL LUDVIGSON, SUPERINTENDENTThe Power of Connection in Educational Leadership
Connecting with people is essential in education, and doing so in a meaningful way is a powerful leadership skill. Genuine kindness goes beyond feel-good vibes; when expressed authentically, it can inspire and uplift those around you to accomplish truly remarkable things.
Certain strategies offer a high return on investment in terms of interpersonal connection. These strategies succeed because they make individuals feel seen and heard. As a leader, this is crucial, as it reinforces the idea that a person’s contributions matter. When individuals feel that their contributions matter, they are motivated to engage and perform.
In this article, I will focus on three high-return strategies that emphasize paying attention to the people around you and intentionally engaging with them. These strategies, in turn, will lead to a better understanding of your organization and what makes it tick. It may seem simple, but showing that you notice others and demonstrating an interest in them often means far more than you realize.
Incidental Conversations
The first strategy, which may seem insignificant, is allowing space for incidental conversations—those spontaneous interactions that occur by chance. An open-door policy fosters an environment conducive to conversation, but it is important to recognize that these interactions are still intentional, at least from one party's perspective. The person seeking you out typically has a problem or a need, which can shape the conversation from the outset.
I set up a table in the commons area, creating an opportunity for conversations to happen simply because I am present. People do not have to seek me out with a specific agenda; they can approach me without feeling pressured to have a reason for doing so. This openness allows individuals to share things they might not express in other contexts.
As we grow beyond kindergarten, we may mistakenly believe that we no longer derive joy from simply being listened to. In reality, we always find comfort in someone’s willingness to invest their time in hearing our thoughts and feelings.
To make this strategy effective, there are specific practices to follow, which can take various forms. First, you need to position yourself in spaces where people naturally congregate. Next, you must be approachable, even on days when you may not feel like engaging in conversation.
I make myself approachable by paying close attention to body language. If someone glances in my direction as I walk by, I stop and ask a question. If I see someone looking around rather than at their phone, for example, I approach them and offer a greeting. These signals often indicate that a person is open to conversation. A smile is also very helpful in making someone feel comfortable.
During the conversation, I maintain eye contact and ask questions to encourage further dialogue. For instance, if a student shares an experience about an escaped cow, I might relate my own stories of growing up on a farm. This approach may seem simple, but it requires intentionality and effort to practice consistently.
When conversations occur without pretense, individuals tend to be more authentic. They are not trying to strategize their words to achieve a particular outcome. Without a predetermined goal, they can share openly and accept you as you are.
This openness provides an opportunity to learn more about individuals beyond their professional roles. You gain insight into who they are, not just what they do. This deeper understanding allows you to grasp the dynamics of your organization and approach problems with a broader perspective—one that cannot be achieved through strictly focused, intentional conversations.
Noticing Shifts in Demeanor or Mood
The second strategy I use is simply noticing when someone has a shift in demeanor or mood. This may sound simple, but when done with intentionality, it is powerful.
I recall one difficult IEP meeting where I observed the tension in a teacher, noting how their normally bubbly nature became subdued. They handled the meeting with skill and heart, but I could tell it was weighing on them.
After everyone left, I asked, “How are you doing?” This simple action meant a lot to the teacher. I have found that even when people decline to open up, it still matters that you cared enough to ask.
You can pick up on these shifts by paying attention to body language. For instance, someone who is usually energetic suddenly appears lethargic, or someone who is normally relaxed seems tense.
Similarly, paying attention to demeanor is important. If someone who normally presents themselves professionally makes an uncharacteristic jab at another employee, pointing out that you noticed this deviation and asking why signals to people that you care enough to pay attention and want to understand.
When noticing something out of character, it is important to do so with curiosity. I have worked with teachers who have had unfortunate slips in their filters with parents. I may share that their response was unprofessional, but it is critical to approach this with curiosity, even if I make it clear it was out of line.
This may lead you to learn that the teacher's parents are extremely ill and they are wrestling with the decision of staying with the school district or finding a new job closer to home. This doesn’t mean you condone their reaction or that a reprimand isn’t warranted; it means you demonstrate that you care about them as an individual.
I often find that this approach makes conversations about how to handle themselves better more effective. The staff member sees that I want to help and that I am not there to break them down. Although they may not always appreciate what I have to say, people seldom change if they aren’t open to receiving feedback. When we feel personally attacked, we are seldom open to feedback.
Another aspect of this strategy is noticing when someone’s reaction seems disproportionate to the situation. This almost always means something more is going on beneath the surface.
For example, I once worked with a principal who became unusually angry upon discovering a scheduling conflict created by a teacher. In situations like this, I often use mirroring. This means I describe the reaction I am observing and point out how it seems out of place or unusual.
I described to the principal the tense body language and how the conclusions they were sharing involved several assumptions. I learned that they had a prior history with the teacher and, in the teacher’s youth, they had been a bit of a troublemaker.
The reason I use this strategy is that people often mask the reasons for their reactions or behaviors. Instead of expressing frustration that a student is leaving their class early to attend an intervention, they may direct their frustration at a colleague. I find that people often do this without even recognizing the feelings motivating them.
Recognizing these shifts in behavior and emotion signals to those around you that you are paying attention. When done effectively, it can also help people around you recognize the feelings and conflicts they are experiencing but not acknowledging.
Even when people don’t open up to you, just this simple act of recognizing something is different often makes them feel seen. When we feel seen, we feel like the choices we make matter. When our choices matter, we take more care in making those choices.
Acknowledge and Notice
The third strategy is acknowledging and noticing the things people do around you. We may think that once we leave elementary school, we stop enjoying when someone notices something we made or a new skill we learned. The truth is, we never stop appreciating this recognition.
For example, I once mentioned to a principal that I noticed they tried a different approach to their staff meeting and asked what motivated that change. Even though I never specified whether I thought the change was good or bad, I could tell that simply acknowledging the change was well-received. Sometimes, this acknowledgment is enough by itself; it reassures individuals that someone notices what they are doing.
It’s essential to remain non-judgmental while doing this. I often ask questions about why someone made a change or what they hope to achieve, but it isn’t an evaluative strategy. The purpose is to show curiosity about their thoughts and work.
Avoid making unnecessary connections to district initiatives or instructional models when simply trying to connect. Doing so is often interpreted as disingenuous. Save those connections for walkthroughs, observations, and other contexts where they are more effective.
This strategy can be as simple as telling the secretary that you noticed they decorate before each holiday and saying something like, “You must enjoy decorating. I see that you always have holiday decorations out to match the season.” After you acknowledge or notice their efforts, simply listen to what they say. You might learn that this individual enjoys the smiles on the faces of kindergartners as they walk by the office when they see the decorations.
The aim is to better understand their values and beliefs while making the person feel seen. It really is the same concept as noticing when someone changes their haircut. People just want to know someone noticed; if someone notices, it must mean that what they are doing matters.
If someone responds to my acknowledgment in a self-deprecating manner, I try to share something positive. It is common for someone to mask their nervousness this way. They feel self-conscious and dismiss their actions as unimportant, but often they are gauging whether you feel the same.
A very similar strategy is just showing a personal interest outside of their work. Asking someone how their sick mother-in-law is doing or mentioning that you noticed an article in the paper about their spouse is another way of showing you notice them as an individual.
Consistently and intentionally stopping to ask about something you noticed or acknowledging something someone did or changed is, at its heart, about showing someone they are worth the time and energy. It’s no different than the time a teacher takes out of their day to listen to their student talk about the new litter of puppies their dog just had.
Sometimes this means you have to force yourself to do this. Sometimes you are busy and don’t want to ask someone how their medical appointment went. Sometimes you’re in a hurry and don’t want to take the time to mention you noticed a new poster a teacher put up in their room. If you neglect this too often, you’ll quickly find you stop noticing the opportunities altogether.
While it may seem small, acknowledging and noticing have far more impact than you might expect. Knowing that someone enjoys bringing smiles to the staff by bringing baked goods may seem trivial, but, much like with elementary students, it isn’t trivial to them.
Connection Matters
I have been told that I possess a noticeable presence within the school building. I believe this is, at least in part, due to these strategies. When I listen, people feel valued and recognized. When individuals feel they matter, they, in turn, feel that their actions hold significance.
This realization has come full circle for me. I have experienced moments of vulnerability when faced with challenges and criticism. During those times, my staff rallied around me in support, motivated by the belief that their voices and actions truly mattered.
I recall a significant moment when I was in someone's office, expressing my gratitude for the support I had received. They remarked that people were eager to lend me their strength because I had offered mine to them. This insight resonated deeply, especially considering the feedback I had received through these strategies from staff—a feeling of being unheard and that their voices did not matter.
By expanding how you engage with the people in your organization, you cultivate deeper connections. These connections are what make your vision inspiring and your words meaningful. These connections become a powerful way to keep your finger on the pulse of your community. Your judgment improves because you will understand things on a deeper level.
Without such connections, your message and actions may always feel hollow or distant. When you connect, your words can truly inspire, as it is this connection that makes people feel their actions matter. When individuals feel they matter, truly remarkable things can happen.
DANIEL LUDVIGSON
Daniel Ludvigson has been a rural educator since 2007 and superintendent since 2017. He now serves the Long Priarie-Grey Eagle Public School district in Minnesota. He has written and presented in ND and MN on topics including conversations that connect, crucial conversations, surviving under fire, and positivity.
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